


Taxi Cab

by kyeopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Friendship, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Sort Of, Touring, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17696738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyeopen/pseuds/kyeopen
Summary: Tyler stops playing Taxi Cab.





	Taxi Cab

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. But hope you're going to like it anyway.

When Tyler sings Taxi Cab that night, he wonders why he thought adding this song on the setlist would be a good idea in the first place. Because it’s not. It only brings back bad memories. It brings back the countless nights he spent without sleeping. It brings back the countless hours he spent in his room, in the dark, back when he was in high-school. And he doesn’t want to remember any of this.

He’s seated in front of his piano, now. A few tears are rolling down his cheeks and he quickly wipes them with his yellow jacket The crowd is screaming around him but he doesn’t feel anything. He feels empty. There’s this big black hole in his chest and he’s suddenly wondering if it’s worth it. Is it worth it? Is this music thing worth it? Is the band worth it? Or is it just a way for him to fill this void inside him? He’s not so sure anymore.

He still gets up, though, and goes on with the show like he always does. He starts playing Neon Gravestones without glancing at his best-friend. Because if he does, he’s pretty sure he will face his concerned expression and he’s not sure he will be able to hold back his tears any longer. And so he just lets himself drown in this new universe and tries to ignore the dark thoughts besieging his mind.

Tonight, he decides, is the last time he’s singing Taxi Cab.

 

‘Hey dude? You’re doing okay in there?’ Josh asks at the end of the show.

‘Yeah. All good. Just got a bit distracted you know.’ Tyler only answers. He’s seated down on the couch in his dressing room and he says nothing when Josh takes a seat next to him and runs one of his hands through his black hair. His body only wants to let go but the last thing he wants at the moment is to feel vulnerable in front of the other boy.

‘It happens, sometimes.’ He adds.

‘Yeah.’ Josh only answers. ‘Yeah, it happens.’

Tyler doesn’t want to be distracted. And he doesn’t want to talk about it, either. Josh knows that. That’s why he gets up and leaves the room, making his way outside the venue. Tyler watches him go and bites his nails; his hands are shaking.

When he goes back in the tour bus later that night, Josh is already asleep in his bunk. Tyler thinks about joining him but decides against it soon after. If he does, he knows Josh will probably want to help him. But right now, Tyler doesn’t want to be helped. And he doesn’t want to reject his best-friend either. And so he climbs in his own bunk, ignoring Mark’s voice asking him if he’s doing okay.

He’s not.

 

Tyler looks down at his piano and takes a deep breath. This is the moment most people in this venue are waiting for. He’s supposed to sing it. Taxi Cab. But as he’s about to press the first key, his hands start shaking and he quickly looks up at Josh, eyes filled with panic.

_I can’t do it_. He mouths it to him. _I can’t do it._

_Then don’t_. Josh only mouths back at him.

A few tears roll down his cheeks once again and Tyler is ashamed of himself. This is the song most fans are waiting for. An old song. Something unique that probably will never happen again. And he can’t bring himself to sing the first word. He looks up at the crowd and what he sees paralyze him with an inexplicable fear. All those people. They came only for him. Only for their music. And this thought is suddenly too much to handle. He’s not strong enough, he thinks.

_I’m not strong enough._

But then he sees all those eyes watching him with confusion and Tyler lets out a muffled laugh and looks down at his hands.

‘Sorry.’ He says after a few seconds. ‘Shirtless Josh is distracting.’ He adds, and knows he’s done good when laughter echo through the venue. His best-friend doesn’t buy it, though, and this one keeps watching him with a concerned expression until Tyler gives him a small smile and starts playing the first notes of Neon Gravestones.

 

‘ _So Twenty One Pilots didn’t play Taxi Cab tonight. What a bunch of cowards.’_

‘ _Guys!! What happened to Taxi Cab? #unstanning’_

‘ _You guys better put Taxi Cab back on the setlist or else I’m suing your asses.’_

‘ _How dare you skip Taxi Cab you fuckers.’_

‘ _Where the fuck is Taxi Cab? I demand some explanations.’_

Scrolling through Twitter is never a good idea. It’s not healthy, and Tyler knows that. That’s part of the reason why they decided to take one year away from all those social medias in the first place. But right now, he can’t help it. He needs to see how much of a disappointment he is. He needs to see how much of a coward he is. He needs to remind himself of all the things he’s done wrong. He knows for a fact that his fans are not being serious but he can’t stop himself from feeling overwhelmed by all the messages they’re receiving, by all the messages he’s receiving. They’re disappointed. And they have every right to be, Tyler thinks.

He quickly wipes the tears with the sleeve of his old sweat-shirt and takes a deep breath, leaving his cellphone on his bedside table. There’s no reason to go on reading those comments and hurting himself at the same time, he decides. He runs both of his hands through his black hair and jumps with surprise when his door is being wide opened by no one else than his best-friend.

Is it really what they are, though? Best-friends? Tyler’s not so sure anymore. It’s been months, years-even, since their relationship is a lot more intimate than a regular friendship, but Tyler is pretty sure his head might explode if he starts torturing himself with any more questions and concerns.

Instead, he just gives a small smile to Josh who only lays down next to him and wraps his arm around his waist, holding him close. Tyler knows this gesture is an invitation to talk about what happened but he says nothing and only turns around, placing his face into the crook of his neck.

‘I’m sorry.’ He still says after a few seconds.

‘What for?’ Josh only asks, tracing small patterns on his back.

‘I don’t know.’ Tyler says. ‘I’m sorry you have to deal with me, I guess. I’m sorry you have to put up with so much of my shit.’

‘Tyler.’ Josh answers, his voice determined. ‘There’s nothing to put up with. I just wish you could talk to me a bit more. Don’t withdraw into yourself like that. You and I both know it’s not healthy.’

‘I know.’

‘Talk to me, then.’

‘But there’s nothing to say, Josh. What do you want me to say?’

‘Tyler, I… I know how much Taxi Cab means to you, alright? I know how hard it is for you to sing this song in front of thousand and thousand of people every night. I know how much it costs you. And to be honest, when you told me you wanted to add this song on the setlist I was surprised. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, to let you play this song on tour. But you seemed to be so sure of yourself that I just let it go. Cause I trust you. But I just want you to know that… It’s okay if you can’t anymore, Tyler. It’s okay if it’s too much, alright? You don’t have to keep that song on the setlist. No matter what they say.’

‘I know but… It’s not fair to them, Josh. I disappointed them. Like I keep disappointing every one around me.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I… I don’t know, I… There are so many questions in my head right now I just… I just can’t think straight.’

‘Okay, look at me.’ Josh says, waiting for Tyler to look up. ‘We’ll take it one person at a time, then. Who do you think you’re disappointing?’

‘The fans.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘But it is, though. I did disappoint them. You just have to look at what they’re saying on Twitter and it’s-’

‘Tyler, you and I both know that whatever we put on that setlist, some of them are still going to be disappointed. You can’t please everyone. And that’s okay.’

‘Yeah, but… What if I can’t play Taxi Cab ever again?’

‘Then, you don’t, Tyler, alright? You don’t owe them anything. If you don’t have it in you to sing that song, then you don’t. That’s simple. They’ll understand. Okay?’

‘Okay.’ Tyler says, slowly, hiding his face in the crook of his neck once again.

For a while, neither of them say anything. Tyler tries to focus on Josh’s presence and it’s only when his best-friend starts rubbing his shoulder blades that he realizes his whole body is tense and contracted. He sighs and he’s about to close his eyes when Josh speaks up.

‘Who else?’

‘Jenna.’ Tyler only says, almost whispering. He knows all too well how much of a sensitive subject it is. Josh and him have never had a real talk about their divorce and he’s not sure he’s ready to face this conversation right now.

‘What about her?’

‘I was incapable of loving her the way she deserved to be loved. I fucked everything up, Josh, and you can’t possibly think that I didn’t.’

‘Too bad, then.’ Josh only answers. ‘Cause you didn’t fuck up anything.’

‘You’re not being objective.’

‘I am, though. Tyler, you made a mistake when you decided to marry her and that’s okay. She wasn’t the right person for you and you need to stop blaming yourself for that, alright? Yes, you did hurt her when you chose to get a divorce but you only listened to your heart, for once. And that’s a brave thing to do. What do you think you should have done?’

‘I don’t know, I…’

‘Do you really think the solution was to fake it?’

‘Maybe.’

‘That’s bullshit and you know it, Tyler. Faking your love for her was the worst thing you could have done to her. So stop thinking you’re a disappointment to her cause she told you herself that she doesn’t blame you for anything. You guys are still on speaking terms, that’s not what I call a bad break-up, you know.’

‘Yeah, you... You’re probably right. I… I just wish I could have realized I wasn’t in love with her sooner. I thought I was, Josh. I really did.’

‘I know.’ Josh answers.

‘No, Josh you don’t. You don't understand. I fucked up. I should have realized that sooner. I just… And maybe I knew all along, you know? Maybe I just convinced myself that she was the one while I knew, deep down, that she wasn’t. I… I had doubts, Josh. When I married her. But I thought it was normal. To have doubts. That’s what everyone around me seemed to repeat. That it was okay. To doubt. But maybe it’s not? Maybe this was a sign. Maybe this was a sign warning me that I was about to do the biggest mistake of my life but I… I didn’t listen. Cause I’m a fucking coward, Josh. That’s what I am. I didn’t listen and I… I married her anyway and she didn’t deserve any of this, alright? And I sure as hell didn’t deserve someone like her. She’s the kindest person I’ve ever met. It’s crazy how kind and understanding she was. I just… She was always so perfect and it was… It was so suffocating, Josh. Cause… Cause then, at some point, I just knew I didn’t love her the way she did and I… I was trying everything to push her away. I was trying everything to push her away so that I didn’t have to tell her that I wanted a divorce and break her heart at the same time but… But she kept trying harder, Josh. And so I did. I did break her heart and I knew for a fact that I was the biggest asshole in this planet but I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt like I was… I felt like I was wasting her time. She deserved better. She always did.’

Tyler didn’t realize how much he needed to say those words to his best-friend. He didn’t realize how much he needed to open up to him and tell him all his fears and concerns, all those things he kept to himself for so long.

‘And that makes me a disappointment to my parents, as well.’ Tyler adds. ‘Because I’m not the son they wanted to have. Josh, you’re so… You’re so open. About this kind of things. Your family too, but… But mine? It’s always been different. Do you realize how disappointed they were when I told them I was getting a divorce? Do you realize how I made them feel? I was… I failed, Josh. They thought I was about to… They thought I was about to have a kid, they thought I was about to start a family but I… I ruined it. I fucked up. They tried to talk some sense into me. They tried to convince me that I wasn’t in my right mind. But maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s not my fault. I can’t help it if I fell in love with someone else. I can’t help it if I fell in love with a guy.’

‘Tyler...’

‘Stop it, Josh, please, I… I know you know, alright? And I… I know you feel the same and that’s what makes me such a disappointment to you too.’

‘Why is that?’ Josh only asks.

‘Because I made you wait. For so long. And even when I… Even when I realized that you’ve been the one all along, I… I was still too much of a coward to actually make a move.’

‘Well, isn’t it what you’re doing, right now?’

‘No, I… I don’t. I… I’m not even sure if I’m ready to… If I’m ready to start something with you. Josh, you’re my best-friend. We… We’ve know each other for years, we’re in a band together, what if… What if I fuck this up? You’re the last person I want to hurt and I’m so fucking terrified of doing you some wrong.’

‘Tyler, we… As much as I really want to make it official, we don’t have to do anything if you’re not feeling ready, alright? And I just… It doesn’t have to change anything about our actual relationship.’

‘Some things will change, though, Josh, and I… You might think it makes things easier because we’ve been knowing each other for ten years now but… It really doesn’t. Quite the opposite.’

‘Then, we’ll take it slow. Alright?’ Josh says, holding his hand.

Tyler looks down at their joined hands and intertwined fingers and only gives his best-friend a small smile, nodding.

‘Alright.’ Tyler says.

‘Anything else?’ Josh asks.

‘Well I… I’m really scared to have sex with you.’ Tyler blurts out and blushes when Josh lets out a small laugh. ‘Shut up, I’m being serious, you jerk.’

‘I’m sorry but you’re adorable.’

‘I’m not.’ Tyler says, and Josh only laughs a bit harder. ‘Dude! Stop it.’

‘Alright, alright...’ Josh says. ‘You really don’t have to worry about it, man, alright? Besides, it’s another thing we can take slow. We don’t have to rush into anything. We’ll just take it one day at a time. Does that sound good with you?’

‘Yeah.’ Tyler only says with a small smile. ‘It does sound good.’

Josh only kisses his knuckles for a few seconds and Tyler lets out a small laugh.

He’s never thought skipping Taxi Cab tonight would lead him to confess his undying love for his best-friend.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is weird and I don't know If I like it.
> 
> ANYWAY I AM SEEING TWENTY ONE PILOTS IN NINE DAYS I AM FREAKING. OUT.


End file.
